tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10014156.post114234308129878831..comments2023-11-05T09:52:04.030+00:00Comments on My other Shoes are Manolos: First love + Railway stationThe ramblings of a shoe fiendhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02193183543700543479noreply@blogger.comBlogger20125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10014156.post-1153206906711480932006-07-18T08:15:00.001+01:002006-07-18T08:15:00.001+01:00Great work!http://cymknfdq.com/sdcg/rvwf.html | ht...Great work!<BR/>http://cymknfdq.com/sdcg/rvwf.html | http://lwbcbjqj.com/bdjn/yyge.htmlAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10014156.post-1153206900119876502006-07-18T08:15:00.000+01:002006-07-18T08:15:00.000+01:00Great work!My homepage | Please visitGreat work!<BR/><A HREF="http://cymknfdq.com/sdcg/rvwf.html" REL="nofollow">My homepage</A> | <A HREF="http://ooxgaehn.com/gajo/emkg.html" REL="nofollow">Please visit</A>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10014156.post-1153206892159456642006-07-18T08:14:00.000+01:002006-07-18T08:14:00.000+01:00Good design![url=http://cymknfdq.com/sdcg/rvwf.htm...Good design!<BR/>[url=http://cymknfdq.com/sdcg/rvwf.html]My homepage[/url] | [url=http://emjklyyk.com/vkpq/icwt.html]Cool site[/url]Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10014156.post-1142504924711429742006-03-16T10:28:00.000+00:002006-03-16T10:28:00.000+00:00thennavan - haven't seen your post yet! will dodaz...thennavan - haven't seen your post yet! will do<BR/><BR/>dazed - What I wanted to come across was the fact that even though he didn't go for the girl it didn't effect his life majorly -she was a passing whim if you will?<BR/><BR/>tcc, shub - gracias!The ramblings of a shoe fiendhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02193183543700543479noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10014156.post-1142504554691518642006-03-16T10:22:00.000+00:002006-03-16T10:22:00.000+00:00wicked angel - Thanks a lot! The train is more fam...wicked angel - Thanks a lot! The train is more familiar to me than I'd like it to be!<BR/><BR/>Falstaff - I put my stories up so I can get feedback and that's what you've given me. No offence taken whatsoever. I think with this story and the previous one if I'd made them longer and spent more time on the inner workings of my characters the stories would have worked better. It is something I'm planning to do - go back to my assignments and spin them in to better stories.The ramblings of a shoe fiendhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02193183543700543479noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10014156.post-1142492284147621842006-03-16T06:58:00.000+00:002006-03-16T06:58:00.000+00:00oh wow! really delightful! :)oh wow! really delightful! :)shubhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11458071894891481574noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10014156.post-1142480679872169812006-03-16T03:44:00.000+00:002006-03-16T03:44:00.000+00:00Really liked it. But had the feeling all along tha...Really liked it. But had the feeling all along that Howard was not going to do anything about the girl he saw. Was that intended?dazedandconfusedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11126167686699868662noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10014156.post-1142465828750927722006-03-15T23:37:00.000+00:002006-03-15T23:37:00.000+00:00Kind of interesting we both have a mention of Mars...Kind of interesting we both have a mention of Mars on the same day (and not entirely out of context either ;-)).Krishhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14039017773493094559noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10014156.post-1142440675527260962006-03-15T16:37:00.000+00:002006-03-15T16:37:00.000+00:00Shoefiend: Nice, though I think you're capable of ...Shoefiend: Nice, though I think you're capable of better. I think the overall idea is really good, but the story could do with more editing (e.g: a) paragraph 7: "thinking over the proposition" - what proposition? so far he's just been comparing the Mars Bar slogan to stuff he does, he hasn't set himself the task of finding something new to do; b) para 17: "what of she's the one?" - presumably a typo) plus I think the interest in the woman is too sudden (para 18 - "God don't kill me now and ruin the plan" - what plan? he doesn't have one at this point) you need more of a trigger or a longer lead in. The way it is now, I sense the frustration and ennui of Howard but don't find his interest in this woman credible - it feels too much like a literary device. <BR/><BR/>Don't get me wrong - it's still a good story, it's just that I've seen you do better for this class. You're capable of being more careful and more exact than this.Falstaffhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09791162324919462038noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10014156.post-1142435150861171742006-03-15T15:05:00.000+00:002006-03-15T15:05:00.000+00:00Wonderfully written Shoefie, at times I was almost...Wonderfully written Shoefie, at times I was almost there on the train to Peterborough and yup like Boo I saw parts of myself too in HowardWAhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12277823372788218526noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10014156.post-1142434520796291122006-03-15T14:55:00.000+00:002006-03-15T14:55:00.000+00:00none - welcome! Glad you liked it and yes the clas...none - welcome! Glad you liked it and yes the classes have def helped!<BR/><BR/>primal soup - not autobiographical, but a lot of the train regulars are people on my daily commute!The ramblings of a shoe fiendhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02193183543700543479noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10014156.post-1142434442835551822006-03-15T14:54:00.000+00:002006-03-15T14:54:00.000+00:00Karthik - Thanks. boo - I think there's a bit of ...Karthik - Thanks. <BR/><BR/>boo - I think there's a bit of Howard in all of us!<BR/><BR/>Venkat - Thanks. I kept those bits together so that they were dealt with and out of the way. having the spread across the story might be a distraction. But will try that. I have no idea why those symbols appear. It's so annoying. Any suggestions?<BR/><BR/>cnoto - As far as I can tell you have no problems approaching attractive women on mass transit vehicles :P<BR/><BR/>J.A.P - Thank you! I've edited the last four paras as suggested. And you were right (why do I have a feling you always are?) there was a lot of stuff I didn't need. Hope it reads better now!The ramblings of a shoe fiendhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02193183543700543479noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10014156.post-1142421641949858222006-03-15T11:20:00.000+00:002006-03-15T11:20:00.000+00:00Sometimes Status Quo is good, especially when it i...Sometimes Status Quo is good, especially when it is articulated like this. Don't know if this is fiction/ autobiographical, but reads very well.Primalsouphttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03131784445479439913noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10014156.post-1142410362075377322006-03-15T08:12:00.000+00:002006-03-15T08:12:00.000+00:00hey,that made me smile! so going to creative writi...hey,<BR/><BR/>that made me smile! so going to creative writing class makes sense, eh? :)<BR/><BR/>cheers!<BR/>ramyaHouseownerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10114805826956961985noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10014156.post-1142402358492675932006-03-15T05:59:00.000+00:002006-03-15T05:59:00.000+00:00Neat story, particularly well-written Have you see...Neat story, particularly well-written Have you seen a film called <I>Sliding Doors</I>?<BR/><BR/>I would suggest that you re-work the last four or five paragraphs. They could be a lot tighter, the denouement could have a little more impact.<BR/><BR/>J.A.P.J. Alfred Prufrockhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16446127543417759542noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10014156.post-1142361671485255562006-03-14T18:41:00.000+00:002006-03-14T18:41:00.000+00:00dai....was dat me?except i take local autos n buse...dai....was dat me?<BR/>except i take local autos n buses..<BR/>lolz...i wish dint i?<BR/>;)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10014156.post-1142357512453988612006-03-14T17:31:00.000+00:002006-03-14T17:31:00.000+00:00one more thing...I see funky euro and trademark ch...one more thing...I see funky euro and trademark characters all over your site? Is it a Mozilla thing or is everyone getting this?!venkathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02693708111831911585noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10014156.post-1142357124322042962006-03-14T17:25:00.000+00:002006-03-14T17:25:00.000+00:00Good stuff. The one thing I might have shuffled ar...Good stuff. The one thing I might have shuffled around with - that para where you set up the fact that he is a "loser" (Latino stuff/speed dates etc.) - it might work better with that info scattered across the story instead of all it in one spot. Maybe...I am just thinking out aloud here..venkathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02693708111831911585noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10014156.post-1142352035618762102006-03-14T16:00:00.000+00:002006-03-14T16:00:00.000+00:00Wow! Awesome Shufy! Where do you get such great id...Wow! Awesome Shufy! Where do you get such great ideas for stories? Its really superb. I dont know whats with this hesitation thing. I hate that about myself. I spend so much time thinking that I just leave the chance to actually do something.This one time on a cruise in Thames, I spent 3 hours thinking how to approach a girl who looked like my sisters college mate. I told myself theres no chance I wud meet her there and did nt even say Hi to her. And then, I go home and call my sister and she tells me that its her and then we mailed each other! Oh God!I AM HOWARD!B o ohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17351744309107088656noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10014156.post-1142351893974020602006-03-14T15:58:00.000+00:002006-03-14T15:58:00.000+00:00Nice. It reads like one of those short stories by...Nice. <BR/><BR/>It reads like one of those short stories by Jeffrey Archer. On second thought, I take that back - it reminds me most of Sujatha: the weak man who'll do nothing to disturb status quo is a theme he's dealt with so often.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com