Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Assignment 2

The 5 minute interview
Dirk Dawson

The Independent
December 12th, 2005
I wish people would take more notice of…

How hard it is to look sexy

As his grapefruit coloured eyes took an easy morning walk over his naked frame, Dirk Dawson decided with authority that he was still gorgeous. Which was quite an achievement considering the fact that he'd just celebrated his 47th birthday for the third year in a row. He was pretty sure that he could pass off for younger, but his agent was adamant that 47 be the official number.

As he stepped in to what his decorator had called a Brad Pitt meets Dalai Lama shower (serene but sexy) Dirk's thoughts wandered to last week. He'd been having a suit fitted at a store on Savile Row when a young couple had breezed in. He'd waited for the inevitable hovering and hesitant "Excuse me, but aren't you…?" but it never came. The young woman had walked straight past him as though he were a pinstriped mannequin and her boyfriend had been too busy convincing her that pinstripes were for old farts.

Dirk Dawson – the next 007?
Rolling Stone
January 1994

"Well fuck them. I'm 47 and don't need Viagra" Dirk muttered as he towelled himself dry. He thought of telling his agent Martine about what had happened but he didn't want another earful about reality shows giving him a younger fan base. There was no way he was going to get on TV in a red lycra cat suit and drink milk out of a some transvestite's hand. Or eat bugs and then defecate his lunch in front of a camera. He'd acted with Chevy Chase and presented an Oscar in the 80s for God's sake. He would have been James Bond too if that mick Pierce Brosnan hadn't agreed to work for a couple of million less. So what if a bunch of snot nosed kids didn't know who he was?

Supermodel's 'Dirky' little secret
The Daily Mail
February 14th, 1999

Dirk fumbled with his microdermabrasion kit. But it wasn't just the kids. There were the producers that promised to call but never did. Writers who seemed to write parts solely for faggot actors. So a few years ago Martine had started to carefully orchestrate 'scoops' that managed to keep him in circulation. There was the affair with the under age model. The stint at The Priory in '97 – even though it'd been about 12 years since he'd jacked up. There was the column he 'wrote' for a women's magazine on how to figure men out. But it was all PR bullshit and favours Martine pulled with editors who thought he was cool in a retro way. ("You used to wear Levis? No waaay!") None of it was real. Except The List.

Small town boy with big city dreams
June 1985

Every year middle aged women who had once taped his picture over their bed and thought of him in the shower voted him on to The100 Sexiest Men of the Year list.
Those women probably lived in Swansea now in some crap semi-detached with kids named Chardonnay or Chastity. But once upon on a time they used send him pictures of themselves in nothing but leg warmers. He reminded them of what it was like to be young and sexy and in return they voted for him. The List always got him work - a small role in a period production, a Panto during Christmas – even the odd commercial. He was hoping for something at the West End this year that didn't involve wearing harem pants and shaving his chest though. Dirk dressed with care. The List was going to be out today and he and Martine were meeting for a celebratory lunch.

David Cameron voted to 100 sexiest men list
The Independent
February 2nd 2006

Dirk sat in disbelief. His risotto was as cold as the feeling that weighed down on his heart. Edged off the list by that pudding-faced Tory prat? Because he cycled to work and had a slow son?

"I'm sorry Dirk - it isn't just about having a great ass anymore"

He glared at Martine. "Call them up. It's mistake or something. I can't be off the list."

Dirk Dawson tipped to win Celebrity Big Brother.
The Daily Mail
June 15th 2006


The assignment:

To choose a newspaper or magazine article that makes an impact on you. It can be a frivolous little bulletin from page XX or a major feature. The article can be about anything, but it should tell a factual story with a beginning, middle and end. Use the article as the basis for a fictional story of your own.


Shyam said...

Hey Shoefie, very cool! Tell me again why you're wasting money on this course when you dont need it?

Arthur Quiller Couch said...

I thought this was a lift from a paper until I went back and read some old posts.
I agree with Shyam. Pull the money out of the course, use it to get an agent.

... said...

Gosh! You've written that? Fantastic!

Sujatha said...

Hi SF, have loved all of your writing assignments so far. what was the mandate for this one?

The ramblings of a shoe fiend said...

Shyam - thanks! It's not a waste of money :D I'm meeting some very interesting people and I think it's got me looking at things differently. But thanks for the compliment!

arthur - do you know any? (agents i mean!)

keya - yes i have! and thanks

Sujatha - I've put the brief up now! and thanks

Sujatha said...

SF, cool. Thanks.

Nessa said...

You are simply splendid!! How on earth do you think such things up!?! You rule...

Some Charlie said...

"Brad Pitt meets Dalai Lama shower" - nice touch. Nice. Just like the rest of the piece.

Do you ever read what you write aloud? I do that almost always. Pretending it's Pacino or Eastwood doing the entire thing as a narration to a movie! Try it!! It helps...in a strange way.

Again, nice stuff this!

The ramblings of a shoe fiend said...

Sujatha - You're welcome

Nessa - Thanks so much!

Charlie - Thanks... I do read my stories out aloud. Sometimes that's the best way to see how sentences flow and find out what sounds funny. But for the life of me I cannot do accents!

Arun said...

I am very impressed! Copywriter and fiction writer rolled in one is a deadly combo pack!

Arun said...

This is fantastic stuff. You had me hooked from the first line. My Compliments! Compliments! Compliments!