Wednesday, October 05, 2005

purple mohair and other crimes

Ever looked at something in a store on a mannequin and thought ' God I'd look good in that'. So you try it on and in your euphoric bubble of 'I've discovered the look of the season' you convince yourself that this is the closest you've ever looked to Lily Cole or Erin O'Connor. You then proceed to shell out your hard earned money on a pink and purple, mohair wrap that honestly leaves you looking more like a multi-coloured dust bunny than a super model.

So this past Monday I decided it was time to let the world see what a fashion diva I am. That I too could be bold and daring in a country that's given the fashion world geniuses like Vivienne Westwood and Alexander McQueen. So I accessorised my black trouser-ethnic top-red sweater outfit with my very Scottish looking mohair cape. The look was William Wallace meets Phoolan Devi in black chords.

Now all was well till I got to the station. Probably because I couldn't see the startled glances from passers by and the mothers who were shielding their toddlers from the abominable pink snowlady. But the minute I boarded my train, that was when my troubles (as always) started.

The train was jam packed with commuters. I caught sight of a free seat between two dark suited City types, their noses buried in the FT. As I wedged myself between them, my carefully draped wrap looked more like a tent caught in force 5 gale. The noses buried in the newspaper began to twitch, and soon I was shielding myself from a sneezing storm caused by the tiny strands of mohair that had made their way to the middle aged nasal cavities reddened by the autumn chill.

Matters were not helped by the 'I look like a supermodel and have a 3 digit IQ' woman in the sharp suit and original Fendi bag who chose to sit right opposite me. If ever I have wanted to throw myself in front of speeding train, it was then.

The wrap spent the rest of the day in my bag. I figured I'd rather freezethan look like a giant cat that's been violated by children with crayolas. Who knows, maybe blue skin will be the new look of the season.

OTHER FASHION CRIMES AND MISDEMEANOURS

  • Coloured tights and brown Doc Martens
  • Bermudas that had stripes on one leg and stars on the other. Yankee Doodle gone wrong
  • A fringe/flick/bangs that would not have been out of place in a Cindi Lauper video
  • Green nailpolish that looked like I'd dipped my fingers in sewage gunk
  • A sweater dress that changed my figure from pear-shaped to Coca Cola bottle

PS. If you see a naked, cold, pissed off looking Angora Goat anywhere let me know... I have something that belongs to it.

21 comments:

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Sonia Faleiro said...

Hahahaha. So funny. However, I have one complaint.
Where's the photograph?
Hyuk.Hyuk.

The ramblings of a shoe fiend said...

sonia - look out for next month's Vogue - i'm on the cover! :D

Ph said...

Yes, yes, we demand pictures here and now! :P

TomCruiseChellum said...

TomCruiseChellum in spite of the first part of his name is not a patch on that famous man usually featured wearing dark glasses (Ray Ban?) et all. Chellum has shopped in Bond Street (Gucci Tie 25 pounds in 1985) and ordered Italian silk suits from a desi tailor on Oxford Street. But all that he needs in the hot and humid climate of Chennai these days is a Kavi 4 mozham veshti!Mohair/Angora/and Austin Reed are but memories

apu said...

hilarious....if i get you the goat, you will put up the pics here....Ok is that a deal then?

Ash said...

LOL !

Have done the green nailpolish bit once ... scrubbed it off almost immediately :P

The ramblings of a shoe fiend said...

tc chellum - gucci and all eh? hmm the closest to designer that I have is my chanel perfume :P

apu, ph - get me that goat and u got urselves a deal

ash - at least u took it off asap - i wandered around for a week thinking i looked cool

Sujatha said...

That was a good laugh!

MumbaiGirl said...

That was funny. Btw I own coloured tights and do wear them.
AND I have been trying to buy pink and purple mohair but my husband always stops me.

ammani said...

The 'ps' takes the cake, baker, the bakery and the specially marked parking space! Very funny! Loved it.

velvetbabe said...

so funny! I love the way you write!
the mohair.....LOL!

xxoo!

Aarthi said...

That was ABSOLUTELY hilarious!! Loved it :-)

shyam said...

shoefiend, dont undersell yourself :) I bet you gave that coat (goat?) a run for its money, looks-wise!

TomCruiseChellum said...

What with all your admirers saying such nice things about your sartorial misadventure, I went back to this hairy blog again and discovered a gem hidden there which perhaps no one has noticed yet.
In the second sentence you say "....euphoric bubble of I.."
Do you realise that you have hit upon a description which has eluded the Vedantins for centuries. The nature of "I", the ego, the ahamkara et all.
They have been trying to capture the essence of "I" and have written volumes about it.
Now the truth is (inadvertently perhaps) out
Welcome to the world of Ma ShoeManolo Mayi

TomCruiseChellum said...

What with all your admirers saying such nice things about your sartorial misadventure, I went back to this hairy blog again and discovered a gem hidden there which perhaps no one has noticed yet.
In the second sentence you say "....euphoric bubble of I.."
Do you realise that you have hit upon a description which has eluded the Vedantins for centuries. The nature of "I", the ego, the ahamkara et all.
They have been trying to capture the essence of "I" and have written volumes about it.
Now the truth is (inadvertently perhaps) out
Welcome to the world of Ma ShoeManolo Mayi

TomCruiseChellum said...

What with all your admirers saying such nice things about your sartorial misadventure, I went back to this hairy blog again and discovered a gem hidden there which perhaps no one has noticed yet.
In the second sentence you say "....euphoric bubble of I.."
Do you realise that you have hit upon a description which has eluded the Vedantins for centuries. The nature of "I", the ego, the ahamkara et all.
They have been trying to capture the essence of "I" and have written volumes about it.
Now the truth is (inadvertently perhaps) out
Welcome to the world of Ma ShoeManolo Mayi

TomCruiseChellum said...

TCC regrets the repetition of the same comment in these columns.Here is one more confirmation that he shares only the first part of his name with TC and there is nothing else in common.He is no patch on TopGun. He is just a Chellum with a capital C

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