Monday, October 31, 2005

Screw it

If God and my husband (the two being separate entities, in spite of what Indian culture would like me to believe) think that they can dampen my enthusiasm for furniture and novelty candlesticks by sending a wayward shoe rack my way – they can think again. Allow me to explain.

We shifted house over the weekend. While our previous semi detached had a wonderful garden, 2 spacious bedrooms and a cupboard that housed all my 51 pairs of shoes (yes 51 – that’s not much if you think of Imelda) it wasn’t all that well acquainted with 21st century heating technology. So while my ballet flats were nice and warm in their tissue lined box, my tootsies were freezing. So move we did to a brand new flat with heating, lovely beige carpets and absolutely no space for my 51 babies.

So after moving in all Friday and most of Saturday, I decided it was more important to have a shoe rack than a fully functioning kitchen. So off we went to the local catalogue store and bought ourselves 1 nos. shoe rack. Flat packed.

Now my experience with flat pack till now has been of the Ikea variety. Easy to read instructions. That funny key they give you to fit it all together. Apparently it’s not caught on in the flat pack world.

This flat pack had more instructions than an RSS manual and told me I’d need a screwdriver, hammer and something else that sounded like bidawal. I think. Of course we had none of the above. Since it was too late to go out and buy them I thought well this is a good time to get out that Swiss Army Knife. The only other outing it’s ever had from my bag is at airport security checks when it makes the alarms go off.

Now while it did have a screwdriver – albeit a tiny one it had neither a hammer nor the other whatchamacallit. So armed with a stainless steel karandi (ladle) from my kitchen and a pair of scissors I began to put the damn thing together.

It took me 4 hours. That’s 240 minutes of trying to get bits of wood pulp out of my hair. A sixth of a day spent telling a thingamajiggy apart from a you-know-what it’s called (By the way, I still don’t know what it’s called). Precious seconds spent swearing, frowning, looking at things upside down and swearing some more. And after all that what do I get?

A shoe rack that stores only 16 pairs of shoes.


sonia said...

i always did wonder where shoe lovers in this country put their shoes. its not like there are too many big walk-in closets about generally.

clearly a lot of work is involved in thinking this one through- i think you were pretty lucky with the cubpoard in your old house. this problem you're dealing with now sounds typical of what i hear from everyone else.

why i have trouble finding space to put my shoes and i only have like 3 pairs or something...

Ash said...

Why didn't you stick to Ikea ?

MumbaiGirl said...

Heh heh heh, that was hilarious. I had an absolutely useless shoe "rack" from Argos, the variety thats made of rods. My shoes kept slipping through and falling in a pile onto the floor. Finally got a small shoe cupboard which LOOKS nice but is too small. Waiting to move for more shoe cupboard space...

eM said...

FIFTY ONE pairs? Really? How do you rotate them? I understand about seasonal shoes, but what about your every day stuff?

alpha said...

51?!! Wait till I show My hubby this. He thinks I am nuts to have bought two shoes in the same year. But i agree with you..Try keping the rest of the 35 under the bed, inside kitchen cabinets, under the pillows etc. Keep some at work to rotate them hourly...after all that, you'll still be left with 6 shoes..donate them to me!

TomCruiseChellum said...

Is it not time for someone to write a poem praising the glory of being Barefoot in Bethnal Green or Blenheim Castle?

Übermaniam said...

Good one Erma. Just cruising buy.

The ramblings of a shoe fiend said...

sonia - :( what to do - the beige carpets, heating and power shower blinded me and i forgot about my shoes. but only for a moment

ash - I should have i know! but ikea is sooooo far away! and i'd have to wait for a whole week to go and there's nothing worse than keeping ur shoes in a giant bin bag

mumbaigirl - All the best!but try telling an estate agent that shoe cupboard space is more important than proximity to transport links - they don't get it

eM - it's really all down to my mood... sometimes i neglect a pair of shoes for months! oh the joy of rediscovering sparkly gold heels in autumn!

alpha - my hubby's the same! he doesn't understand the difference between black ballet flats and black heels... to him one pair of black shoes is enough.

tc - I'm thinking more along the lines of Shoe Shopping on Kings Road

TDU - thanks

apu said...

Quick! I'm waiting! You can send me the ones left out, before the poor things freeze in the cold..

The ramblings of a shoe fiend said...

hey! why does everyone think i'm getting rid of the ones that don;t fit in the shoe rack? what do i look like? a shoe charity :P

Shilpa said...

I WISH i were in your place!! Only, having size 4 feet in this country is a crime... You don't get ANYTHING in your size! :(

Bidi-K said...

Hilarious! and I can totally empathise. I don't have 51 pairs yet but am getting there, and then something will have to be done :) In the meantime, my husband sends me gentle emails reminding me not to buy such email was (The shoe story) and it was so funny (at least to me) that I even put it up on my blog. I guess the next few racks will be Ikea?


The ramblings of a shoe fiend said...

shilpa - an excellent reason to splurge on hand made shoes!

bidisha - good luck on ur march to 51! and yes henceforth the local catalogue shop has been declared a public enemy:D

Olinda said...

Dear Shoe Fiend,

I think you'd get a great kick out of the John Tierney NY TImes article on überpackers and how many dresses Camilla took on her US trip:

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