Sunday, December 25, 2005

The top 100 prime numbers of all time

Is it just me, or have there been a lot of Top 100 shows lately? Every time I switch on the television there seems to be some countdown or the other. The Top 100 Movies of All Time. The Top 100 Stars of All Time. The Top 100 Family Movies of all time. The Top 100 hottest stars of all time. Get the picture?

Some of these countdown shows aren’t all that bad. The movie ones give me a list of flicks that I haven’t seen or heard of. Unfortunately neither has Blockbuster. But many of them seem to have been created because the creators couldn’t get any other ideas through the network.

“Damn! They trashed our idea about former dope addicts who have found god. What should we do? I know – how about The Top 100 celebrity dopers of all time? Who have found god.” And before you know it you’re watching Pete Doherty smash a £50,000 vintage guitar on stage after doing a few lines.

So far I’ve seen at least 4 different Top 100 Celebrity Fashion Mistakes shows. And they all have the same people in the same weird clothes. Bjork and her Swan (or was it goose?) outfit at the Oscars. All the clothes ever worn by L’il Kim. Christina Aguilera’s ode to hot pink ostrich feathers courtesy Mr. Cavalli. And how can we forget Vin Diesel in a leather kilt?

Celebrities are always the subject of these shows. Which makes sense, because no one would want to see The Top 100 fashion crimes of the smelly old lady next door.
Back to celebs though – very few of these programs show them in good light.
Like the top 100 Celebrity Oops of All Time. It’s nice to know that people who make millions of dollars and get to wear free designer clothes screw up this much. But after running the show for what seemed like a century, E! decided it was time to update the list. So now we get to see The Top 100 Even bigger Celebrity Oops. How original.

As a famous physicist who had a lot of time on his hands (no top 100 shows back then) once said ‘For every action you have an equal and opposite reaction.’ So if you have a Most Beautiful list you have to follow it up with a Top 100 Mingers show. If you list the Top Hollywood Hook ups, you can be sure of catching The Juiciest Hollywood Break-ups the week after.
Best sex scenes, best villains, best hot bodies, best cribs, best pre-nups, best scandals. The list is never ending and no topic has been left out.

Some topics that I’d like to see covered

Top Turner Prize recipients that no one understood but everyone agreed should win

Top 100 Bushisms of all time (though I doubt 100 would be enough)

Top 100 Celebrities who are famous for no particular reason

And my favourite - The Top 100 Top 100 lists of all time.

Any more suggestions?


shub said...

yeah n the last thing i read soemw of 2005:tsunami!
good lorrdd!

TomCruiseChellum said...

I would like to put in my name for listing in the top 100 anonymous couples in the world(notwithstanding a hollywood celebrity name)

Shruthi said...

How bout the Top-100 blog-post-headings? Yours would be number 1 ;) Top 100 prime numbers for God's sake..... ROTFL!

Mali&Madhu said...

I nominate -1. That's right: minus one. Ever wonder why negative numbers never get into the prime number list? A list of prime numbers ia always 1,2 3,5,7,11 etc. What about the minus one? Extrapolating, is -2 then a prime? If not (because it can be divided by 2), should 2 be disqualified from being a prime number because it can be divided by -2? Besides, its all racial discrimination anway. The English did it to the Scots - any Smith who was McSmith clearly wouldn't do. Any Indian who was Shri.Indian wouldn't do. And they probably did it to the negative numbers as well since they didn't invent them. The McSmiths fought back. The Shris let off fireworks Mangal Pandey ishtyle and then cast them out with Gandhian standoffishness. The poor un-unionized numbers, alas, have failed. Probably because -4 was a b*tch and complained about the potential special status for -2. I recommend we first start off by banning the number -4 and see if it changes anything.

The ramblings of a shoe fiend said...

shub - yikes! btw i saw a Top 100 Famous onscreen animals of all time. Help

TCC - I second the nomination

shruthi - thanks :D

m&m - umm ok... you lost me at the scots bit though. i need to read that again a few times

Anonymous said...

Great idea about prime numbers!

The Number Empire