Friday, March 31, 2006

SHOE FETISHIST SEEKS SHOE FIEND

Note

That’s the gist of what someone asked me recently in the comments section of www.desicritics.org What an excellent profile to put up in a lonely hearts column, I thought, thinking of all the wonderfully weird people it would attract.

Every Friday The Independent publishes its Arts & Books Review, a 40 page supplement bursting with well written reviews and profiles. The last page is always devoted to Great Works – an in depth analysis of a piece of art and it’s creator that I always mean to read but never get around to. Cultural Life takes a brief look in to what singers, actors and directors are reading, watching and listening to. On one page they rip a movie apart and in the next they are interviewing its director. It’s a supplement that is entertaining, informative and above all well written.

Till recently however, there was always one part of the supplement that I blipped over. The Independent Personals. Why would I bother, I’m happily married after all. (that should put The Sherpa at ease… now time to delete my perfectmatch.com profile)

But a delay on the train home last week (a rather permanent fixture in my life these days) left me bored. So I thought ‘let’s see what the market is like!’

A quick skim through the columns revealed that most of the singletons writing in to this particular publication were above 40 (Though there were 20 and 30 somethings, they were outnumbered by their more mature comrades). There were even a few 60 plussers in there.

Each profile had a little caption in bold – a hook I guess to attract the attention of skimmers like me. I present to you here some of my favourites (edited).

Women seeking Men

AISLE BE THERE FOR YOU
Genuine, attractive, mixed race F in 40’s seeks Arab, European, Indian M 35-60 looking for relationship and possible marriage.

GENTLEMEN REQUIRED
50+ to join five ladies for dinners in May.

NOT TOO MANY THORNS
Genuine F, 45, neglected rose, seeks loving M

I’M ONLY HUMAN
Down to earth, kind, witty …

DELECTABLE SEEKS INTELLECTUAL
Russian/British Londoner 40 slim blonde, chic, integrity, eccentricity, Worshipper of intellect, I promise that a thinking, outstanding man would never get bored of me.

GET UP AND GO FOR IT
Genuine F, 60 with plenty of get up and go…

Men seeking Women

DO IT OURSELVES
Gentle, affectionate M 47, likes DIY…

GARTER GET YOU INTO MY LIFE
Attractive M seeks intelligent, attractive, stocking clad F


Men seeking Men

DAMSEL IN DIS-DRESS
Good looking 43 year old cross-dressing M seeks kind person to have fun with

Women Seeking Women

SO FERRARI SO GOODIE
Recycled Ferrari, 43 seeks TLC from a caring gay F for possible long-term ownership.

It’s nice to see that in spite of all the divorce statistics being thrown at us and the constant reports of celebrity marriages falling apart people are still looking for friendship, love and the odd used car. Here’s to you singletons!

4 comments:

1$ Saint said...

man seeking woman...

a)who does not talk or laff loud..
b)who does not name drop..
c)who does expect me to b a fulltime boyfriend
d)who can cook well
e)and never suggest marriage till the kids want to be a part of it

lolz...

Falstaff said...

Shoe-fiend: The thing you should really read is the London Review of Books. They have the most incredibly written Personals on the planet - they're actually more interesting reading than half the articles in the thing.

Oh, and did you see this:

http://2x3x7.blogspot.com/2005/11/shades-of-prison-house.html

The ramblings of a shoe fiend said...

1$saint - umm good luck with that...you're going to need it

Falstaff - There was a wonderful article on the personals in the London Review of Books a few months ago. They'd quoted some of the ads and they truly were excellent.

And with regards to Shades of Prison, how would you write your personals ad for 2035? I'm very curious to know.

Kate said...

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