Friday, August 05, 2005

Save Our Jugs

One of the great things about living in the UK (apart from drinking luke warm, milky tea) is getting to read The Sun/ Daily Mirror /News of the World and other illustrious newspapers as part of my job. In an effort to help me get better acquainted with the British way of life (something that all us immigrants/refugee seekers/ brown people are trying to besmirch) my office buys me all three newspapers every day.

Today, there's 'Get back in your cave' on the front page - an article urging Ayman al-Zawahiri to learn how to use the rifle beside him because the SAS are going to come after him. The usual page 3 topless model (who says 'I have always wanted to do this. It's a real honour.') (note - the concept of page 3 here is very different from that back home. I mentioned to a Brit colleague how all socialites in Bombay want to be on page 3 and his eyes bulged)

But the best article in the entire newspaper had to be a double spread entitled SAVE OUR JUGS. The EU has issued a directive ordering all bar maids to cover up their assets. Apparently, prolonged exposure to the sun when serving pints outside could give them skin cancer. The Sun of course is outraged and demands that the EU keeps its, and i quote 'hands off our barmaids' boobs.'

Now I wonder about many things regarding this situation. Two of them are a) How many barmaids did the EU have to meet with and how many er, jugs did they have to observe to come to this decision? b) Doesn't the EU have better things to do with it's time?

A sentiment shared by many of the bar maids interviewed by The Sun. "The directive is stupid" "They're bonkers" were some of the opinions shared by these young women (apart from an ample view of the at-risk body part.

I suggest we start a petition to save this sacred English tradition. Do not scoff. Would any of the Carry On movies been the same without the compulsory bar maid cleavage? Think of all the Skiving Scholars and Hogs Nipples that would have to shut down because of loss of business. It's our duty as citizens of the world to help The Sun in its noble endeavour.

And in other news - a drunken man battered his wife with an 8 pound pike fish, a DIY fan narrowly missed death after shooting himself in the heart with a nail gun and a young 15 year old girl is the proud mother of two - children fathered by her step brother no less.

The British way of life. God bless it. (and the Queen)


J. Alfred Prufrock said...


*keeps voice carefully casual*

Is there an online edition of the Sun?

*but of course I subscribe to the Guardian ... yeah right!*


The ramblings of a shoe fiend said...

as they say 'ensaay thangamani'

Saltwater Blues said...

hello, wanted to say you write beautifully.

I remember sneaking up to the foreign newspaper section in the supermarkets in Bahrain just to take a peek at the page 3 girl in The Sun. Here you get to see Shahrukh Khan's mug!

Cheers mate!

krishna rautela said...

jug mug rahe sansaar!!