Thursday, September 14, 2006

Nombu in North West London

(A little busy at the moment, so here's something I wrote a month ago but never got around to posting.)

Growing up, my family celebrated every festival – religious and otherwise - with great enthusiasm. I loved it. It meant new clothes, an extra special lunch and usually a day off from school. My own levels of participation were kept at a minimum - in fact, my greatest contribution was just keeping out of the way. I was not skilled at the kolam and kaavi as my sister was (which an Uncle of mine recently attributed to the fact that I was not an engineer and hence unable to comprehend parallel lines), my ma yelais always drooped and sagged, and I could never remember the lines to the bhajans I had been taught.

As I grew up my mother insisted I get more involved. So I was appointed chief underling – ordered to fill sombus with water and bring the neivediyam without popping any of it in my mouth (applications to be the resident Pillaiyar were all turned down).

Marriage brought with it more than the obvious retinue of husband, mother-in-law and hawkeyed athais. I suddenly had to learn to cook, differentiate between patthu and non-patthu and learn how to drink coffee from a dainty china cup without sipping. I was also initiated in to the custom of Varalakshmi Nombu.

It was all well and good while we lived in Mumbai. Matunga is a mecca for displaced Mamis like myself – replete with its own Giri Trading. But then a year and a half ago we moved to London. And things haven’t been quite the same in this Mylaporean’s life. Where does one go for vethalai and vazhai thandu?

Now as much as I hate to admit it, in the last year I’ve fudged my way through most festivals. Deepavali was celebrated with payasam (pieces of dried fruits floating in a sea of condensed milk), Karthikai was marked with a few lamps (the ones outside the front door removed in compliance with strict fire hazard regulations) and I nodded at Pongal with well… pongal. But for some reason my conscience revolts against attempts to do the same with Nombu. Perhaps because it’s a tradition I’ve taken on through marriage and a small part of me thinks my Mother-in-law will get to know of any crimes and misdemeanours I commit.

So Varalaksmi Nombu is carried out to the letter. Well, as much as living in a north western suburb of London will allow.

The day before Nombu, I sweated it out on the Metropolitan line in a trench coat that seemed like such a good idea that morning when it was a good 10 degrees cooler and went over the shopping list I had foolishly written down in my head.

Nallennai (and not the horrible Chinese one), jaggery, flowers, saffron and coconuts. Coconuts. Coconuts???

Where does one go for coconuts? What if one cannot find coconuts? After all this is London – I’m more likely to bump in to a bushel of blowsy roses than a palm tree.

So I speed dialled my Mother in Chennai who was understandably irate at being woken up. Her annoyance deepened as I asked what would be considered a suitable substitute for a coconut. I was told rather snarkily to use an apple but not before having to hear how it was amazing that I know every shoe store in the greater London area but was unaware of the location of a single coconut vendor.

An hour later, loaded down by all the items on my shopping list (apparently our local Indian Grocery store stocks coconuts - I had just never bothered looking for them) I was carried home aloft a cloud of gloat. If only it had taken on the weight of my bags too.

Performing Nombu in a foreign country isn’t all that difficult. Perhaps the lack of – or should I say my lack of awareness of – so many things immediately eliminates them. The vaadyar is replaced by a cassette which I realised required a few sessions on the system before being used (I had more luck deciphering what Aretha Franklin sings after the whole R-E-S-P-E-C-T bit). So I appointed myself in-house vaadyar. Rahu Kaalam would be calculated at GMT and since staying hungry till my husband got home in the evening was not an option he was woken up earlier than usual with a cup of tea and the BBC. On mute.

There are other aspects that one finds hard to tackle. Madi for example is impossible to maintain when every square inch of ones home is carpeted. And I do mean every inch – bathroom included! Unless one is capable of levitation one should not attempt it. Also tying a madisaar is not for the faint hearted. 9 yards of silk with a mind of its own can be a dangerous thing. You’ll either end up strangling yourself or looking like something out of the Mummy Returns (oh how hard it is to refrain from calling it The Mami Returns). And where does one hang a madi pudavai out to dry anyway? Sadly, we are not living the middle class dream in a detached mock Tudor home with a sprawling faux South American jungle-garden in the back. Would our stoned patio do? A cursory glance revealed that it had been turned in to something of a giant ash tray by our upstairs neighbour. As cigarette butts and a madi nightgown are a criminal offence under section 220 of the Madi Penal Code I opted to wear a new sari instead (when in doubt, wear something new).

Neivediyam is an entirely personal matter and depends on one’s skills and to some extent the gastric stability of one’s family. Being possessed with reasonable levels of both, this year my standard menu of payasam (see above for recipe) and vadai made space for kozhakattais. (Secretly making space in my fridge for Marks & Spark’s Indian delights)

Poornam and a large white lump of maavu before me, I sat cross-legged and in a state of semi-madiness on the floor and began making my kozhakattais. As I moulded the dough in to little shells and placed the poornam in the middle I fancied them to be little oysters hiding pearls of coconut and jaggery and allowed myself to drift off in to nostalgia. My grandmother would sit in her trademark Kalakshethra nine yards on our kitchen floor in Chennai, her wrinkled hands nimbly making one kozhakattai after the other. A seventy-year-old assembly line that seemed to require no oiling up or servicing and that could work endlessly. My sister and I would beg for a chance to try our hand at making one and she would always acquiesce, softly instructing us and placing our large, uncouth creations on the tray next to her tiny, perfectly formed masterpieces. The poornam always looked like they had been wrapped in the finest of muslin. Rubbing my eyes I looked with dismay at my plate of kozhakattais and hoped God didn’t think they looked like wads of rolled up Kleenex too.

Varalakshmi might accept my misshapen offerings but the sumangalis I had invited over that evening for vethalai paaku might not have been as forgiving. The list of invitees totalled a grand 2. The wife of my husband’s boss and a dear family friend who had lived for over 20 years in England had both promised to come. Both had to be impressed. After all, I couldn’t jeopardise my husband’s career by over salting the sundal. And the latter was something of a Queen Bee in the Kenton agraharam and had the ear of all the best realtors in town. The pressure was immense. What would I offer for vethalai pakku? I had no vethalai, no manjal and no pakku unless saunf was permitted.

Thankfully, the Gods were in a munificent mood. As I rummaged through my puja bag (a giant Selfridges carrier stashed with a years supply of sambrani, kunkumam and poonals – our Romanian house help Mikhela often discards the ones left lying around by my better half. Perhaps she thinks they’re giant reams of floss) I found three blouse pieces, some manjal and silver articles gifted to me by family that were yet to be used. This is London. Rethink. Re-use. Recycle.

Vethalai pakku ready, sundal perfectly salted and thoughts of M&S party food as neivediyam firmly pushed to one side, I was ready. My Amman mugham was mounted on the kalasam and decorated in a rani pink pavadai with matching roses from Tesco. Archanai pookal came in the form of daisies and the air was redolent with the fragrance of ‘Spiritual Flower’ incense (I needed all the help I could get). As I read from my prayer book and as my husband tied the sharadu around my wrist – I felt a sense of being home again.

The chief underling had been promoted.


30in2005 said...

ROTFL - my colleagues think I have slightly lost it.....

Wish I could have come for the make everything sound so lovely shoefie....

F e r r a r i said...

You so big thillalangadi? :O
When I was in mumbai, I had tough time explaining to a friend what madi is. And got into an argument with another friend who felt madi means 'lap' or 'fold' :D

Nee said...

Hey Shoefie,

Carpet madi daan...adhu proper cloth illai'e - right? So madi nu vechukkalam'e, tarai maadri, illai?
Hats off to you for pulling it off!


WA said...

Am impressed. Well impressed

San said...

your template has gone a lil mad :s

Where does one go for coconuts? What if one cannot find coconuts?

I was about to suggest the local grocery shop but it seems like you fond them ..

I don't even know what hald the things you cant find are :s

Having always celebrated festivals in this country I can't say I've ever found any difficulties but when in doubt head for a indian area - Southall, Wembley etc .. they are bound to stock up on the unknowns!

But at least you try :)

neha vish said...

The word Madi terrifies me. I lived in the constant terror of always polluting someone's sense of Madi. With all my clumsiness, I was toppling over things through my years. Even on the most careful of days, for some reason or the other I would end up touching a saree hanging at the insane height 12 feet and which could only be taken down with a kucchi.

Some of us, I tell you.

s said...

great writing sure varalakshmi was mighty impressed at your endeavour!!
LOL at mami returns and Mikhela thinking poonal as floss...haha!!

anantha said...

Yaay for the chief underling! But us TamBrahm guys have our own versions! After five years, finally this year I had a perfect (well, almost perfect) Avani-a-vattam, just like the ones back home in T.Nagar! Hail the Bridgewater Perumal! Hail the vadhiyars there who had an early session! And hail my boss, who agreed to let me come late to work by a couple of hours!

n said...

actually, all the festivals becomes more important when ur away from home and mean so much more when you improvise and substitute to do ur own best imitations of the ceremonies you grew up with.

small talk said...

I love your posts. This took me back to the Madras of my childhood. I am not a Tamilian, but the TamBrahm rituals are so much a part of my growing up years. Nostalgia reigns in your blog!

rads said...

lovely writing as always. :-)

in the US, I can't even feign no supplies, everything is a hands throw away. :|
The neighborhood Korean store is a mecca for all desis - he knows exactly what we want and when we want and stocks it before the Indian grocery guy even imagines it.

Anonymous said...

Great effort! I confess to have recycled small gifts during Navarathri myself :)
The God(ddesses) will be pleased with your efforts!

apu said...

shoefie, more power to you! I have discarded most festivals under the excuse that I am married to a non-tam... (laziness ofcourse :))

The ramblings of a shoe fiend said...

30in2005 - :) Next year, when you're all settled down - sundal.

ferrari - I am I am!!! Very big thillalangadi and a Madi one at that :)

nee - Excellent! Also, verai vazhi illai

Wa - :)

The ramblings of a shoe fiend said...

San - Template appears ok to me. Well, Southall is too far away for me. Wembley more acceptable - but then on the eve of any festivity there's enough tension without having to make an extra trip to wembley. Ok. I'm just lazy :P

Neha - I used to always manage to bump in to my grandmother when she was madi. poor thing.

s - thanks :D

The ramblings of a shoe fiend said...

Anantha - congratulations! Did you say Gayathri many times the next day?

n - very true. movies and festivals are a great cure for homesickness.

small talk - thank you

rads - thanks! And a Korean store! aha... noodles in your semiya payasam?

gg - hope so.

Apu - :):)

anjali said...

I applaud your effort. I never was into Nombu...the thought of having the same husband in seven janams was terrifying!

I thought you could find all things desi in friend swears this neighbourhood called Eastham (or something like that) has all the south indian things one would need. and I always do all my desi shopping in london. Try living in Belgium for a little while and you realize what a desi haven london is. :)

anantha said...

congratulations! Did you say Gayathri many times the next day?

We managed to, yes - in the car on the way to work. We overslept and had to rush! :(

Terri said...

Shoefie, excellent writing, as always.
I was right! (jumping with joy because that doesn’t happen often) You’re one of those girls who can swing both ways: traditional, yet modern; modern, yet traditional. Sigh! A mother-in-law’s dream come true.
Here’s wishing you success with your kozhakattais in the years to come....

noon said...

Loved this post. Yeah like the comment above - did your matrimonial ad read "girl has a good blend of traditional and western values"?! You brought out the charm of these traditions like madi and madisar and nombu & should show this post to your MIL and win a lot of brownie points!

Szerelem said...

its a lovely post!!
(and i think this despite the fact that i dont understand half the things youve written about.....!!)

DesiGirl said...

Fantastic post! Loved reading it! My MIL tried to make me to the Varalakshmi nombu bit here to but i baulked - knowing me, she decided umachi might not be too thrilled with crimes against goddesses, so I stick to payasam and a 'happy nombu' to Varalakshmi on the day.
Good one!

ammani said...

I'm in awe. What's more, you can write some great prose too!

The Inquisitive Akka said...

Oh shoefie you are amazing!You actually managed to pull all this off in London?Here I am in Namma Bengalooru and I pretend I am too far away from home to do anything!I make paysam whenever I feel like and that's about it :)
The mere mention of madi terrifies me. I have grasped some of the basics now but I still usually manage to do something wrong when the in-laws are around.

Aparna Menon said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Aparna Menon said...

that was simply beautiful....both the writing and the whole nombu itself !!

The ramblings of a shoe fiend said...

Anjali - Eastham? It might be easier for me to make a round trip to madras for nombu ;)

Anantha - :)

terri - You’re one of those girls who can swing both ways - I'm just glad you followed that up with an explanation. Illana Paavum, purushan bayandhu perpaan!

The ramblings of a shoe fiend said...

Noon - I did better than that - I sent her pictures ;)

Szerelem - Thanks!

desi - yellam manasula daan (or so i tell myself when I breach certain madi laws)

Ammani - dank u

Akka - Around in-laws somehow all best intentions are compromised!

Aparna - Thanks so much!

DesiGirl said...

well, if our manasu is happy, nothing else matters eh? madiyavadhu, maadiyavadhu! but good on ya for trying to uphold our traditions.
If you are from Madras, then close your eyes and imagine Ranganathan Street. That is East Ham - replete with unruly crowds, vehicles occupying every free space, temple thear thiruvizhas, the whole deal - as far as one can get from a phoren city as one can get - without actually leaving its shores!! First time I went there, my eyes bugged out of my head. After the first couple of (hundred) visits, one tends to get used to it.

Premalatha said...

nice post.

Is coconut that difficult to get in England? I use coconut a lot. And I live in the country.

(Nombu keembu not my thingy).

Dog's Best Friend said...

Well I'm very impressed with your Nombu - its more than I do here in the heart of Nombu I married an Iyengar who are not very Madi-oriented god bless them...

Anonymous said...

Hi, Shoefie, saw your blog about V Laksmi Nombu and how you coped. Ayyo, inge Bombayle kooda naango don't celebrate Nombu, since my in-laws are Malayalees. But my daughter madi is married to Thanju Tambram family with extra madi hang ups.And my poor girl can't even speak Tamil so well. Till now she hss been dodging the Nombu like an expert fast ball-facing opening batsman. Eppo bouncer varumo theriyaadu--Annyn

Anonymous said...

Hi, Naanedaan, the same unconventional salvar-khameez-clad Bandra Mami. My in laws were most progressive and my mil had a healthy attitude about all pooje and punaskaram. For her every pannidge was only an occasion for festivities and good eating. My girl was brought up in this "unholy" non Tamil environ and landed in this typical Madi family. Imagine her plight, Shoefie, modal modalle. Anyway ippo ellam sariya poyiduthu--because they are in Chennai and my daughter is in Bombay.

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Appu- Subbu said...

Hey, im gonna be studying in oxford this year and was wondering if i should take up the nombu and would be able to do it there ! thanks a lot for the encouraging blog!

Anonymous said...

I too live in NW London.

I am not sure where could one get amman mugham and a silver kalasam. I have tried at all the Sri Lankan Jewelleries in Wembley and East Ham but have been unsuccessful. With just a few days left, I hope to find atleast a brass kalasam, but if anyone could suggest a place where one could get amman mugham and mango leaves, that should be great.

Jasmine flowers would not be a problem. You get loads of them at Swathi Cash and Carry from Thursday evenings until stocks last. What else is required? I do have a cassette.

Fashion said...

hey fantastic are must be comfy should be Timberland shoes.....

Anonymous said...

East Ham is the place to go...Indian grocery stores opposite the Mahalakshmi temple stock lots of might have to skip the malli-poo though

Anonymous said...

Are you by any chance Menaka Raman who writes articles occasionally in
The New Indian Express?

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